25 Couples Therapy Questions to Be Prepared For
There’s no doubt that coming to couples therapy can be intimidating. How are you supposed to know what to expect? For those who have not been to therapy at all, most examples come from TV and movies, and we know these are not always accurate.
Of course, one of the many benefits of therapy is that our questions are individualized for you! However, there are definitely some common questions that you may hear, especially in the first few sessions.
Let’s review some of the questions that may be asked during couples therapy. Hopefully, this helps lessen the anxiety by providing more information about what to expect.
Please remember that when a counselor asks a question, you are not required to answer. You are allowed to set your own boundaries regarding topics you wish to discuss or avoid.
What brings you to therapy?
It’s an important starting point. Sometimes, this answer can be different for each partner in the relationship, and that’s okay!
What are your goals for couples therapy?
There is real benefit to defining the details with this one. You might say “better communication” but we will work together to break it down into what that means. It’s okay if you don’t have this answer perfectly curated. We are here to help you explore.
How do you handle and resolve conflicts currently?
We are looking for a snapshot at both your conflict resolution skills. It can be helpful to explore a recent conflict for context. It’s important to get a good idea of each person’s strengths and weaknesses related to conflict.
How would you rate the trust in the relationship?
Is the level of trust you have for your partner where you want it to be? Has the trust changed over time in the relationship for better or worse?
What helps you to build or rebuild trust?
If trust has been broken, building it back is not a copy and paste blueprint. What each person needs to feel trust again is individualized. Together we can explore these needs.
What is one change you would like to see in your partner?
No one is perfect, but this question can help to prioritize what is most important or impactful.
Before coming to counseling, what else have you done to try to achieve your goals together?
Tell us all about the other things you have tried (e.g., scheduling sex, more date nights, taking an online course together, weekly sit-down discussions, etc.). We want to know what helped or did not help the relationship.
What do you love most about each other?
A lot of these questions focus on what’s not going well in the relationship. We are just as interested in what is going well! This helps us utilize a strengths-based perspective and view these strengths as assets.
What are you not getting out of your relationship?
Relationships are so complex and ever-changing. The needs of each individual and the relationship as a whole change overtime. This is an opportunity to take inventory of which cups are low.
When have you felt most happy or content in the relationship?
Think back to a period of time when you felt the relationship was in a good or better place. Together, we can examine what was different. Maybe there is something we can learn from looking back on these memories.
What is your individual history with anxiety, depression, trauma, etc.?
We can’t ignore how your individual mental health factors into the relationship.
What are your goals for the future of the relationship?
It’s helpful to talk about what your vision for the future is and if this vision is the same for both partners.
If you achieved your goals in therapy, what would be different in your relationship?
Imagine your ideal life- what would it look like? What would look or feel different? Paint a clear picture of the changes you envision.
What communication patterns do you notice?
Relationships often exhibit patterns in communication. We want to hear about both the helpful and unhelpful communication patterns.
How do you want to be shown love?
Your partner may need to hear what makes you feel most loved. Knowing this as therapists can help us identify ways partners may be missing each other’s love languages.
How do you show your love and affection?
With this question, we are trying to decipher if there is a disconnect between the way you show love to your partner and what makes them feel most loved.
How did you meet?
Tell us all about where the journey started!
How do you handle stress both individually and as a couple?
Outside stressors can put strain on relationships. We want to know what those stressors are and how they may creep into the relationship.
What is your level of satisfaction with your sex life and intimacy?
Talking about your sex life is common in therapy but especially relevant in couples therapy. No matter what, we are not here to judge!
How do you make decisions together?
Regardless of the intentional or unintentional system you use to make decisions, it’s important to evaluate if it’s serving you as a couple.
What unresolved issues could benefit from being addressed in therapy?
Maybe there are events in the past that still impact your relationship today. Therapy can be a safe space to revisit these emotional memories.
What makes you feel most connected to your partner?
There is a lot to learn from the good times in a relationship. Let’s examine what has worked in the past and why.
What past experiences have had an impact on your relationship?
We want to know if there has been any trauma that could be playing a role in the current relationship struggles. These experiences can go back as far as childhood or be recent.
How would you describe your conflict style as individuals and as a couple?
Having a clear picture of your conflict styles will allow counselors to create a tailored plan to fit your needs as a couple.
Have you been to couples therapy before? What did you gain or learn from this?
We are interested to know what this experience has been like for you in the past. If there is anything you did or didn’t like from past experiences, this information can help us be more effective.
As mentioned earlier, we know starting counseling can be scary. If you have any questions about couples counseling, please utilize a free 15-minute consultation to ease the anxiety!
Feel free to reach out here to get scheduled and work toward change together!
