8 Real Life Tips for New Moms
It’s safe to say that all moms feel stress within motherhood to some extent. But new mom stress is its own category, every single thing is new and uncharted. When was the last time you were in a situation where everything was new and unknown? There is not much to directly compare to new motherhood.
While it’s incredibly common to feel stress and anxiety as a new mom, this does not mean you need to continue to endure it to this extent.
In my work as a perinatal mental health therapist and a mom myself, I’ve compiled eight practical tips for new moms. These are themes which pop up with many of the moms I have worked with over the years. These may seem simple and obvious, but I know they can make a difference!
Prioritize
Think about what’s most important to you. There are moms who prioritize their baby’s nap schedule, keeping the dishes done, exercise, or playing with their baby. Now, none of these things are right or wrong; you just have to know yourself and know you can’t do it all.
Step one of this tip is to accept that we cannot do it all. There are always balls being dropped somewhere. Some might tell you to forget about housework as a new mom but I know for some, it feels impossible to tolerate the mess and for others cleaning is its own coping skill.
Bottom line here is you have to listen to yourself and prioritize what is most important. Not what is important to our society or to others in your life, YOU.
Call Out the Comparison Game
This one applies to all the moms out there! Now, I know this isn’t the first time you’ve heard this, but here’s my take on it: the goal isn’t to stop comparing yourself to others; it’s to notice when you are comparing yourself and change the narrative.
Most people are beating themselves up for comparing themselves and expecting themselves to stop thinking that way. Next time, stop to notice the comparison and remind ourselves “It’s common to do this but this thought is not helpful”.
Call Out Self-blame
The self-blame runs deep with moms. Since none of us know what we are doing, the first and easiest person to blame is ourselves. Here’s an example: “my baby isn’t sleeping long enough; I must be doing something wrong to cause this.” The last thing we consider is that maybe it’s no one’s fault and this is just the baby we have.
There are times to seek help from different professionals, please don’t hesitate to get the support you need. But during the times when a professional gives us an option for what to do differently, there’s an opportunity for self-compassion instead of blame.
Allow Yourself to Get it Wrong
It’s a common fear for moms that we will do something that “ruins” the baby (or causes harm). It can be terrifying to think of causing any level of discomfort or harm to this baby we love with everything in our bodies.
The point here is that sometimes, when you get it wrong, it can still be okay. Most parents have numerous stories of when they finally learned to do something differently whether it was months or years down the road. Of course it sounds ideal to get it all right and believe we are saving our baby from struggle but you are only human.
You are allowed to be an imperfect parent.
Connect with Other Moms
It can feel isolating to be up multiple times per night while the rest of the whole sleeps. Find yourself some other moms who are also up at night with their kid(s). Even if you’re not awake at the same time, it can be helpful to know you’re not alone.
There are those days when you feel like you’re losing your mind. The baby is eating every hour, you’re running on little to no sleep, the baby won’t stop crying. It can be helpful to have other moms to validate that they have felt that too.
Talking to people who have been exactly where you are is living proof of the temporary nature of each stage.
Find Your *One Thing*
Think of one small thing you can manage to do every day that gives you some breathing room. During my own journey, it was prioritizing a shower every day. This meant I had at least 15 minutes to myself every day, during which I was not expected to respond to anything.
Some other examples include sitting outside, going for a 5-minute walk, listening to music, washing your face, meditating, stretching, or calling a friend. Think small with this one, make it as realistic as possible for it to be a daily practice.
Identify Affirmations
What are the things you are struggling with the most? Is it crying, lack of sleep, the witching hour, breastfeeding? It can be helpful to have ready-to-go affirmations for yourself related to the hardest parts of motherhood right now. Here are some examples:
“It’s ok to make mistakes, you are a good mom”
“This is really hard but the night will come to an end”
“I am doing my best and that is good enough”
“Just because my baby is crying doesn’t mean I’m doing something wrong”
Find the ones that speak to you! If you need a little inspiration, you can always use the internet to get ideas then modify them to suit your needs. Identifying affirmations that are effective for you can also be something you do in therapy.
Set Tiny Milestones for Time
Sometimes, the days or nights (or both) are so hard it feels they will never end. Maybe you’re a stay at home mom and are waiting for your partner to get home from work to get a break or you’re awake in the middle of the night with a baby that just won’t sleep. It can feel dreadful and this dread just fuels anxiety symptoms further.
The key here is to break it down. If you have 4 hours until your partner comes home and that feels like a lifetime, ask yourself “what do I need to do to get through the next hour?”. If you need to break that down even more, go for it!
Of course this doesn’t change the amount of time on the clock but it does change what’s in our control and breaks it down into a more manageable goal.
How This Helps
If you are in the thick of motherhood and are struggling to see the way through, I know you may want something to fix it and make it all better – I don’t blame you. For now, I will encourage you set the goal of reducing the struggle and the distress. If we focus on “fixing” it, we might get discouraged and feel even worse.
These are eight options for action to help reduce the struggle. At the end of the day, please know that you are not alone in your struggles and you are doing a good job!
Asking for Help
Motherhood is a tough job, so if there is an area where the load can be lighter, let’s dig in.
Julianne Peters is here to help you overcome symptoms of anxiety and depression during your journey in motherhood. Feel free to reach out to Julianne to get scheduled and work together!
