Postpartum Anxiety: Common, But Not Normal
Even though anxiety related to pregnancy and the post-partum period can be debilitating, it doesn’t mean the anxiety stops after these milestones...
As a therapist with a focus in perinatal mental health counseling, I’m often talking about postpartum anxiety. There has been so much improvement in the discussions around the post-partum period, which has been necessary.
Let’s Talk About Anxiety In Motherhood
Are we talking enough about how anxiety permeates throughout motherhood? Even though anxiety related to pregnancy and the post-partum period can be debilitating, it doesn’t mean the anxiety stops after these milestones.
No matter what stage of parenthood you are in, there will always be something to worry about!
The world of mental health has taken huge strides over time. The first milestone has been making a safe environment for people to talk about their emotions and struggles, and we have seen the progress here!
Postpartum In Action: Real Life Examples
Learning that our friends and other moms have anxiety too can be such a relief and make us feel less alone. The next hurdle is learning that these anxiety symptoms are COMMON but not NORMAL.
Let’s use examples. Think of this hypothetical group of friends:
This friend isolates because they are too anxious to bring their toddler out in public for fear of meltdowns.
That friend can’t fall asleep because her teen is out with friends and struggling with the lack of control over her child’s safety.
Another, is a new mom who checks to make sure their baby is breathing every 30 minutes.
The last one says they can’t stop worrying about their kid’s social life and if they are doing enough to help.
In all of these examples, it is 100% valid to feel fearful of your child’s safety, wellbeing, health, and behaviors. The goal is not to eliminate anxiety altogether, it’s to try to decrease the impact on your life.
When hearing stories from other parents about their anxieties, we are often left with the message to just push through or endure it. The message often unconsciously spread through parenthood is “that’s the job.”
It Is true that parenthood is one of the most challenging ongoing transitions in life. There’s an ebb and flow to parenthood that lulls us into a brief sense of security, only to have the hammer fall at the next growth spurt.
Let’s think about an example outside of parenthood for comparison. Maybe you lost your job, do you sit in the misery of this loss forever and just accept that you can’t have another job? You can take this route if you choose but it may not be the best choice for your mental health.
Same goes for parenting, maybe you feel so anxious about bedtime with your child but there are steps you can take to lessen this anxiety!
There is a big difference between validating our feelings of anxiety and bathing in a tub of anxiety.
What type of action we take depends on the sources of our anxiety and these actions can include: establishing boundaries, open communication, relaxation skills, emotion regulation, challenging and reframing your thoughts, taking time for yourself, affirming and validating yourself, learning to say “no”, etc.
People often talk about “seasons” of parenthood. Each season of parenthood comes with its own unique sources of stress. There are two takeaways from this “seasons” metaphor, the first is that the thing(s) that are creating anxiety for you currently, are most likely temporary.
There will come a day when you don’t have to participate in bath time with your child and this can be both a relief and a loss at the same time.
The second take away is that even though your current anxiety may be temporary, we can assume there will be some new stressor in the next phase of parenting.
My hope in saying this is not to create a hopelessness for the future, it’s to know that there will always be difficult parts of parenting and feeling confident that we know how to ride these waves.
If you feel lost or need help figuring out how to ride your waves of anxiety, therapy can a great starting place. You do not have to wait to be in an emotional crisis to begin therapy! Let’s begin taking small steps to be preventative toward our mental health and set the best examples for our children.
Julianne Peters is here to help pregnant people and parents overcome symptoms of anxiety and depression so they can enjoy parenthood. Feel free to reach out to Julianne to get scheduled and work toward change together!