5 Benefits of Infertility Counseling

Many people may think of infertility in terms of a medical diagnosis, but it encompasses much more than that. This experience can deeply affect various aspects of life, including social interactions, emotional well-being, relationships, and even work. It’s essential to address each of the affected areas to fully understand and cope with the impact of infertility.

Every infertility journey is unique, but one thing is universally true: the journey comes with a rollercoaster of emotions.  Working with a therapist who understands the complexities of infertility can be a vital resource. 

During a time when your world is turned upside down and you are busy enough, you may be wondering, “what’s the benefit of infertility counseling?” Let’s dive in and find out!

A Safe Space for Anger and Jealousy (and Many Other Emotions)

Your best friend is pregnant, and you just received the invitation to her shower. You feel a surge of anger. Then the guilt sets in, and you think, “I shouldn’t feel angry; she’s my best friend- I should be happy for her!”

This is just one example, but for people going though infertility, reminders of pregnancy, children, and parenthood are everywhere.

Most people tend to suppress that anger because they believe they “shouldn’t” feel it. Counseling can provide a safe space where you can express all those angry thoughts. Be angry; say the mean thing- get it out.

For many, what we uncover is that it’s often easier to be angry than it is to feel sad or devastated. The takeaway here is that you are not a horrible person for feeling angry or having these thoughts.

Together, we can explore the duality of emotions and the idea of feeling multiple emotions at once. You can feel both anger and joy for your friend. This realization can help reduce the guilt that often follows anger. You have enough on your plate- let’s lighten the load where we can.

Figure Out What to Do with the Avalanche of Emotions

It’s no surprise that the journey of infertility comes with a variety of heavy emotions. Aside from trying to ignore these feelings or staying busy enough to distract yourself, what are you supposed to do with them?

There is no right answer for how to deal with these emotions, but there are many options! In therapy, we can explore together to find the tools that work best for you.  There is no one-size-fits-all approach; it’s a trial-and-error process, but you’ll have guidance from a professional.

I often reference a metaphorical “toolbox” of coping skills with clients. In this analogy, the therapist provides support by laying all the tools in front of you, instructing you on how to use them, and tailoring their application to your needs.

Better Communication with Your Partner

There is no denying that struggles with infertility can cause disconnection in the relationship between partners. When stress is high (for any reason), this has the potential to leak into relationships.

Working on communication can help improve your individual mental health and the quality of the relationship.

Individually

Individually in therapy, we can work to clearly define your concerns, fears, or hopes. Becoming clear on what you want and being able to communicate it can make a difference.

Couples Therapy

Attending couples therapy or coming together for sessions intermittently can be a game changer. Counselors can help to facilitate difficult conversations between partners. The ability to be objective and see your relationship from the outside allows counselors to spot areas for improvement more easily.

Improve Understanding

Misunderstandings in communication can lead to unwanted conflicts. Let’s try to reduce misunderstanding by intentionally creating time to sift through each perspective. You might struggle to see your partner’s viewpoint, and counselors can help to break it down in a different way.

Learn to Reexamine Your Control

One aspect of infertility that makes it so difficult is the lack of control. It’s hard to wrap your head around not having control over such a vital part of your life.

There can be benefit in shifting focus toward what IS within your control. There are many things still within your control, and these can help make positive shifts in your mental health, such as the boundaries you create, how you respond to your emotions, the support you utilize, and your self-talk.

Here is a reminder: the mental shift toward what is within your control does not have to erase the hardship of the things out of your control. The goal here is to create space for both. 

Objective Help for Decision Making

Not many people expect to experience infertility. The journey can take many unexpected twists and turns. Even though each journey is unique, each one involves decision-making.

With such an important topic in your life, these decisions can’t be made lightly. The stakes for decision-making feel at an all-time high, and this is paired with an emotionally vulnerable time in your life, making even the most decisive person struggle with decisions.

Therapy can help by providing time to explore your personal values and goals. These values will guide your decision-making, enabling you to make the most informed and intentional choice.

Julianne Peters is here to help you through your infertility journey to overcome symptoms of anxiety and depression. Feel free to reach out to Julianne to get scheduled and work together!

Postpartum Anxiety: Common, But Not Normal

As a therapist with a focus in perinatal mental health counseling, I’m often talking about postpartum anxiety. There has been so much improvement in the discussions around the post-partum period, which has been necessary.

Let’s Talk About Anxiety In Motherhood

Are we talking enough about how anxiety permeates throughout motherhood? Even though anxiety related to pregnancy and the post-partum period can be debilitating, it doesn’t mean the anxiety stops after these milestones.

No matter what stage of parenthood you are in, there will always be something to worry about!

The world of mental health has taken huge strides over time. The first milestone has been making a safe environment for people to talk about their emotions and struggles, and we have seen the progress here!

Postpartum In Action: Real Life Examples

Learning that our friends and other moms have anxiety too can be such a relief and make us feel less alone. The next hurdle is learning that these anxiety symptoms are COMMON but not NORMAL.

Let’s use examples. Think of this hypothetical group of friends:

• This friend isolates because they are too anxious to bring their toddler out in public for fear of meltdowns.

• That friend can’t fall asleep because her teen is out with friends and struggling with the lack of control over her child’s safety.

• Another, is a new mom who checks to make sure their baby is breathing every 30 minutes.

• The last one says they can’t stop worrying about their kid’s social life and if they are doing enough to help.

• In all of these examples, it is 100% valid to feel fearful of your child’s safety, wellbeing, health, and behaviors. The goal is not to eliminate anxiety altogether, it’s to try to decrease the impact on your life.

When hearing stories from other parents about their anxieties, we are often left with the message to just push through or endure it. The message often unconsciously spread through parenthood is “that’s the job.”

It Is true that parenthood is one of the most challenging ongoing transitions in life. There’s an ebb and flow to parenthood that lulls us into a brief sense of security, only to have the hammer fall at the next growth spurt.

Let’s think about an example outside of parenthood for comparison. Maybe you lost your job, do you sit in the misery of this loss forever and just accept that you can’t have another job? You can take this route if you choose but it may not be the best choice for your mental health.

Same goes for parenting, maybe you feel so anxious about bedtime with your child but there are steps you can take to lessen this anxiety!

There is a big difference between validating our feelings of anxiety and bathing in a tub of anxiety.

What type of action we take depends on the sources of our anxiety and these actions can include: establishing boundaries, open communication, relaxation skills, emotion regulation, challenging and reframing your thoughts, taking time for yourself, affirming and validating yourself, learning to say “no”, etc.

People often talk about “seasons” of parenthood. Each season of parenthood comes with its own unique sources of stress. There are two takeaways from this “seasons” metaphor, the first is that the thing(s) that are creating anxiety for you currently, are most likely temporary.

There will come a day when you don’t have to participate in bath time with your child and this can be both a relief and a loss at the same time.

The second take away is that even though your current anxiety may be temporary, we can assume there will be some new stressor in the next phase of parenting.

My hope in saying this is not to create a hopelessness for the future, it’s to know that there will always be difficult parts of parenting and feeling confident that we know how to ride these waves.

If you feel lost or need help figuring out how to ride your waves of anxiety, therapy can a great starting place. You do not have to wait to be in an emotional crisis to begin therapy! Let’s begin taking small steps to be preventative toward our mental health and set the best examples for our children.

Julianne Peters is here to help pregnant people and parents overcome symptoms of anxiety and depression so they can enjoy parenthood. Feel free to reach out to Julianne to get scheduled and work toward change together!